One Resolution or One Re-solution?

Death – or impending death  - or the threat of death – has struck already in 2015.

“Have you found a lasting hope? … What are the things for which you will be remembered?” I questioned myself in last week’s blog, thinking about my own death – inevitable but not, as far as I know, immediate – and how its inevitability might affect how I live right now.

 On January 1st, a dear friend woke to find her husband had unexpectedly died in his sleep that night..

On January 2nd a friend revealed the diagnosis of cancer;  another friend told of unexpected and dire side effects to the latest series of chemotherapy treatments.

A new year does not guarantee the end of sorrows and tears. And I’ve been here before – personal loss and personal sorrows deeply felt not once but several times even in the past few years. Some publically acknowledged, some not.  Rocked to my roots.

And this I have learnt: resolutions might help but they do not resolve. Resolutions sometimes help a lifestyle but they do not resolve the deephurts and losses. Only a re-solution can do that. The re-solution that’s in a name.

Jesus.  Sweet Jesus.

“There is power in the name of Jesus.” There are times when all I can do is whisper his name. I did not know how powerful that could be until it is all that is left.

Jesus. Sweet Jesus.

When life–lossesare profound and personal, when they gut-punch, grip and won’t let go, still there is Jesus.

Feelings numbed, bewilderment my only thought, and I need a re-solution.

Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Just his name. It’s all the heart knows. All the mind can remember. 

I wish I could promise that if you say his name there is always comfort and caressing.  What I do know is that it keeps your fingertips clinging on.

Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Say it enough and it IS enough.  Repeating this re-solution means my balance remains enough to stay upright, to not give in to what else could be.

Jesus. Sweet Jesus.

 On January 3rd a friendjoyously announced her son’s engagement.

On January 4th my husband’s nephew and his wife had a beautiful baby girl.

 Jesus. Sweet Jesus. Resolving only this: to say his name. It is the rock I cling to, the shadow to hide in, the wing under which I shelter.

He is enough. He is the re-solution.