FINDING FUN
The book stared back at me. Dared me to pick it up.
Buy it, even.
It’s blue – always a favourite colour. And written on the front in large capitals:
START YOUR OWN HAPPINESS PROJECT – GUIDE INSIDE.
New year.
New me?
Can I ever feel HAPPY again?
Resigning from my beloved work in ordained ministry to concentrate on getting well again, emotionally, spiritually, physically.
Recovering from the dark heaviness of depression and post traumatic stress syndrome which has clung and clawed to my shoulders for sixteen months.
Removing the burden of the guilt of not working – a first step to accepting this major life change, this living with What. Happened. And. Cannot. Be. Undone.
And joy. Can I find joy again as I learn to give thanks and find the grace in each moment?
The book leaps into my hand. I start reading as we drive away. I am hooked from the start, wanting to know if it’s possible for me too. Knowing I need to work out my own salvation because it is God at work in me. So I begin. January.
But I read fast and furious, wanting to know next month and the one after; and the book tells of discerning what made its author happy when younger.
I am instantly eleven years old. Gawky and geeky, losing the immense podgy penny-ness. Happy, cycling freely and fast; devouring books faster than my parents can buy them for me, scribbling stories of my own creating, racing with the dog along the beach.
That was me. That joyous little girl. Where did she get so lost? Can she be refound in a new me?
Regroup. Remember. Reform.
What counts is whether we (I) have been transformed into a new creation. (Gal 6:15, NLT)
That happy girl. She read. And read. I have not, for a year, been able to read.
Can I find my reading me again?
Might children’s literature be a hidden treasure?
The project tells of a new book group; of the joy of rereading those much loved gems of childhood. My heart leaps.
Can I do it? Commit to a book a month with friends?
Narnia. Green Gables. And Christmas won’t be Christmas without any presents. Should Mallory Towers creep in? And the Lone Pine Five and my complete set of The Chalet School? All 58 of them?
Did anyone else read Dorita Fairlie Bruce and Mary Louise Parker and Elsie Oxenham? Even their names weave an ancient spell.
The Secret Garden and The Little Princess. Noel Streatfield.
Alice and Katy. The mayday Queens in The Abbey. Heidi of course.
And more, so many more.
They are on my bookshelves still.
Could we meet and enjoy? Find some fun? Eat food from the books?
Would you come?
You name a date and I am there…. And if you ever need an audience, I have no doubt that a little girl would sit on your knee and let you read to her for hours, she loves stories even without pictures, she will listen and listen even if I am just making them up….
I will read whatever you read….
Penelope – I have just re-read the Mallory Towers books – I would recommend the experience. It took me back to childhood but it was also interesting to read them with an adult head full of life experience. I also read some of the Famous Five – very pre-feminism!!!
I hope you get your Book group together and that it becomes therapeutic for you.
Carol
It’s a lovely idea Penelope and I hope you find people local to you who engage in it. I loved reading your Harriet’s response to your Blog post. One of my joys has been reading books to Colette and sharing her enjoyment of the books I read as a little girl – often under the covers with a torch so that Mum didn’t know I was staying up til 3,4, 5 o’clock to finish that story! Like you Heidi was a favourite; Little Women (Colette can’t let me read on now she know Beth dies!), What Katy Did, Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit and so many more. But Mallory Towers is something we’ve discovered through Colette – those horrible girls make us gasp with dismay but Colette devours their every action with relish – that’s what she’s living right now!
Go well – and keep us posted with how your reading adventure goes. x
Penelope, I do wish I could join you physically. Can we read together long-distance? I’ve been waiting for an excuse to re-read my beloved Abbey books. So therapeutic. An older, wiser, simpler world – so much to teach us.
I will read from afar. Just tell me what and when. xo
Penelope,
I am with you in spirit and heart, waving an encouraging flag as your love for life is stirred again.
It resonates within me, the loss of the light-hearted ways, in light of such tragedy and grief….life can become very utilitarian and guarded — a life where every little thing hurts, yet joy seems unable to penetrate the soul.
For me, reading is also a re-engagement of my youth. As is walking for hours, staring at the clouds (looking for shapes in the cotton-y blobs) and eating red licorice.
Love and healing to you as you journey. Thank you for sharing. xo
I think we must have worked along the same bookshelf as children. I even picked Heidi and Heidi Grows up off my daughter’s bookshelf last week and moved them to my bedside table alongside the Princess and the Goblin. I felt like having a little bit of childhood in my life again. I’ll read with you, I’d be delighted and honoured.
I’ve also made this year the year of me, not in a selfish way but in a “if I am in a better place then I am a better person to be with”. I have kept a gratitude journal for several years now (three things EVERY day that I am grateful for, sometimes on not so brilliant days it can be as basic as “I am still breathing” but it is something!) and I’ve restarted writing Morning Pages (three pages of stream of consciousness – it can be utter garbage but you must keep going for three pages, it really does work), I’ve had some fantastic ideas and lightbulb moments – see Julia Cameron “The Artist’s Way”.
I hope the reading helps you move forward. One of my favourite quotes is from Martin Luther King “Take the first step in faith, you don’t have to see the whole staircase. Just take the first step”
Gillie
I would love to join if I can. Am most inspired by you, and this idea. x
I’d love to.
I try to read the Narnia Chronicles every few years, and not so long ago I read all of Roald Dahl’s children’s catalogue.
Penelope once I’ve had my eye operation I will read with you from Stamford. I am missing my escapism in books, its going to be wonderful to go back there. With lots of love to you. xxx
cool !
remembering ‘Bunty’ & ‘Jackie’ annuals
Anne of Green gables
Narnia
Enid Blyton – the ‘Five’ series..
Heidi
Swallows and Amazons
Rosemary Sutcliffe and her fabulous historical stories
Henry Treece
Mary Poppins stories
The Moomintroll books from Finland
The ‘Jennings’ books
loads of them ! was a simliar bookworm ..absolute bliss..
Penelope,
Being not good at Facebook, I decided to follow your lead to here. In fact, you are my first Facebook friend, which is appropriate. Very moving entry about reading childhood books to recapture that sense of imagination and carefreeness. You are so fortunate to have so many grandchildren with whom to share this new reading venture in adulthood. Harriet’s little girl sounds like a great start (loved Harriet’s response). Joy is elusive, because it is very deep — like love. You have spent a long time trying not to feel, because it hurt too much. Sounds like you may be headed on a healing journey that will refresh your spirit and reconnect you to yourself. May God’s gentle care be with you.